From Parkville Missouri to KC: I’m Too Sober for This Mess
Okay, listen up. It’s Jessica. You know, that realtor always yapping about houses? Yeah, that’s me. And I’m about to lose my freakin’ mind over this market.
This Market is Trying to Kill Me, I Swear
So yesterday, right? I’m showing this dump in Parkville. We walk in and bam! Five other couples already there. For a house that looks like it survived a tornado! What the actual heck? And Sunset Hill? Don’t get me started. Had a client look at a place there, sees the price, and goes, “Jessica, honey, is this in yen?” I wish, Karen. I really wish.
Every Neighborhood’s Gone Crazy
You wanna know what’s really wild? Ghost towns from last year are suddenly hot property. Roanoke? Used to avoid it like my ex at Walmart. Now? People offering kidneys for a crack at a tool shed there. And Westport? Since when did “stumbling distance from bars” become a selling point? I’ve got soccer moms calling at midnight about listings. Midnight! What happened to “early to bed”?
Advice for Buyers (God Help You)
If you’re crazy enough to buy in this mess, here’s my advice: Get pre-approved like, yesterday. No, last month. Be ready to pounce on anything that pops up. I had a client lose out ’cause they stopped to tie their shoe. Their shoe! And for the love of all that’s holy, lower your standards. That avocado green bathroom? It’s “vintage chic” now, honey. Deal with it. Oh, and look everywhere. I mean it. Even Quality Hill‘s starting to look good. And I never thought I’d say that. I’m losing it, folks. Running on fumes and fantasy. This market’s got me stress-eating gas station hot dogs at 3 AM and considering a career change. Maybe bomb disposal. Seems less stressful. If you need me, I’ll be the one in yoga pants and a blazer, muttering to myself in the QuikTrip parking lot. Might be crying, might be laughing. Who knows anymore? Stay sane, Missouri. Or don’t. Sanity’s overrated in this market anyway. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go scream into a pillow. Or until my next showing. Whichever comes first.
